March 26, 2011

Love Letter to John Terlesky


Chopping Mall, 1986
Shhhhh. Don’t tell anyone.

I’m having an affair.

A love affair with actor John Terlesky.

I haven’t felt this kind of connection since I fell in love with Corey Haim in The Lost Boys when I was 13 years old. If I was still in high school and still had a locker, I would have pictures of John Terlesky posted like wallpaper inside.

Like any love affair, it began innocently enough. I’d seen the guy around, you know, in Chopping Mall and a few other things. But when he popped up in the criminally underrated Valet Girls, I was totally blindsided. Suddenly I was blessed with a new awareness and appreciation for everything John Terlesky. With his goofball, Joker-grin and his sly, devilish expressions I was instantly whisked away. It was at this point that I totally re-addressed my relationship with John Terlesky.

John Terlesky = *SWOON*

Here was a guy who totally encompassed everything that I swoon over – a cocky brattishness wrapped up in a chiseled jaw line and floppy, messy hair. John Terlesky wouldn’t have a problem dating you, but he will probably ignore you at parties and will most likely acknowledge you to his friends with the line, “Ah. Um. This here’s a buddy of mine”. John Terlesky does not want to be tied down. There’s a whole world out there and he doesn’t want a little thing like a relationship holding him back. But that's ok.

I just want to be loved.
However, when things are quiet and you are home alone with John Terlesky, things change. He’s quiet and the little boy who wants to be loved will show up. He’ll look at you with his whimsical, blue eyes and flash his big, toothy grin and everything will magically be ok. He’ll even apologize for ditching you at the mall. "It wasn’t THAT long of a walk home, was it?"

It’s ok.

John Terlesky has that rare quality that no matter what he does, when he leans against you and sets his forehead against yours, all while looking deep into your eyes and snapping his gum, you know that you are his. Even if it’s just for a minute.

I’m ok with that. I understand. He’s a busy guy.

With John Terlesky, every summer is endless.
The crowning moment of John Terlesky is The Allnighter, in a role he was born to play and one he can obviously do in his sleep: that of a free-spirited surfer with a terrific pair of legs and an equally nice pair of Converse high tops to match. He drives a huge, beat-up convertible which suits him nicely and he wears sunglasses. A lot. He also studies pre-law which really comes in handy when busting his friends out of jail. He even goes head-to-head with Pam Grier. And wins! Why? He’s John Terlesky. My hero.

He’s a director now and doesn’t return my calls, but it’s ok. He’s even married now and I’m ok with that too. Just by flashing me his silly smile and batting his eyes, makes me sigh and clutch my pillow. I know that everything will be fine.

Chiseled jaw line? Check. Floppy, sun-kissed hair? Check.
John Terlesky has also helped me with my bad habit of boring, run-of-the-mill fantasy crushes -like that guy at the coffee shop with the great, heavy eyebrows or the tattooed, Tony Hawk look-a-like at the gas station. John Terlesky has trumped all of them. Now I just consolidate all of these feelings and channel them towards the one and only John Terlesky. He’s worth it. Even though he still owes me $200 and needs to return my Technotronic tape. 

It’s ok, really. Just call me. I forgive you.